Armoured Badgers

There’s an old saying… Well there are lots of old sayings. But there is one in particular that goes something like ”Know your enemy”. It’s with this in mind that i recently ordered, and unfortunately received, the more recent issue of Zero Tolerance magazine. As usual, all my worst fears were confirmed.

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There’s certainly a few contenders for a ”daftest badger pose or quote” contest. With the chunky one from Finland’s Cavus looking like someone has just stuck a bicycle pump up his arse.

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And Czechoslovakia’s Maniac Butcher coming out with ”You must understand that we are an ancient revelation from a nearly forgotten past”.

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Really? I thought that you were just a another couple of very poor bedroom musicians that have sold a miniscule amount of music in the worlds clique-iest of sub genres while looking ridiculous and spouting ABSOLUTE TWADDLE. Po faced buffoons. Krusty the clown is scarier. No, really. He is.

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A black metal band.

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Some badgers, yesterday.

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Z.T. Mag can keep the authentic fanzine look as well. Rather them than me ‘coz i like to be able to read the words. OK, i’m 42 and maybe my eyes might need testing. But then they compound the problem by putting some of this tiny, tiny writing on a background that is just a slightly darker shade of the same colour! The fucking knob jockeys.

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On the free CD the first track is by Hail Of Bullets, who are perfectly OK in that new – old school way that i’m sick to death of reading about. But ZT makes a brief comparison with Sodom. Now if i was in Hail Of Bullets i’d be deeply offended. I’ve never known anyone that likes Sodom, ever. In fact i remember Sepulturas first ever gig in the UK at The London Marquee (around the time of ”Beneath The Remains” i think) supporting Sodom and roughly 90% of the audience left the second that Sepultura finished!

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Though on the brighter side in this issue i did read a couple of articles about bands that either claim to be black metal, or at least have some of that in their sound somewhere, and who don’t feel the need to wear any corpse paint (that is the macho name for make-up, right?), chains, spikes, nails, or even any armour at all. And it is for that reason, and that reason alone that i’m gonna give them a name check here.

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Woe     http://www.myspace.com/woeunholy

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Blutmond     http://www.blutmond.ch/

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Is this the genre maturing? Or selling out? Discuss.

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In the interest of fairness i have to say that both the Talanas and Cradle Of Filth tracks on the CD are pretty addictive in a melodic kind of way. In fact i put the later (”Lilith Immaculate”) on loop for 30 minutes. And the track ”The Mental & Possessed’’ by Annero is a stormer that just needs the sound beefing up a tiny bit. But The Crown aren’t nearly as ferocious as i remember them being on John Peel a few years ago. Maybe it’s just that the goalposts have moved so much since then.

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So is £3:50 for two or three tracks reasonable these days? I think that i’ve lost track, ho – ho.
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